I think part of being an artist *IS* being a spectator. How can you make art if you can't see life from which to draw art? Believe me, though, I know what you mean by putting yourself on the outside. I'm usually on the outside myself. I have very few friends, don't go out too much. It's part of not being able, for me at least, to relate to most people. I've learned to accept that those who are my friends are typically much closer.

If you're like me, you intentionally put yourself on the outside because most people just don't get you. That's my issue anyway. Those that do, I'm usually very close to. And I think that's how I make it through my life without feeling like it's totally passing me by. I do feel that way from time to time....I'm now 27, no children, few friends, and I go to anime conventions. Sounds pretty pathetic when I put it like that. :D But I enjoy what I'm doing at least, so I don't feel like I've been a total failure with my life thus far.

I think the important thing is that you enjoy what you're doing with your life and those that are around you. So you may not be the most popular girl at the party, but so long as you enjoy the people you're around, and what you're doing, then I'd say you're a participant in your own life. :D