I wouldn't call it selfish or self-centered... It's part of dealing with your mortality. The day they decided to let Beth go, I called my mom, asking her to come out to the hospital. She wound up calling back, saying she couldn't because she was crying so hard at the thought of what if that had been me, since I was only 2 years younger. It could have been. And that's a scary thought. Several times I've thought about it, that it easily could have been me...what would my mom and Jim do.... It's just part of the mourning process....good ol' survivor's guilt. ;)