...lightning.

[merimask]

Hmm.  I had a pleasant Saturday evening date with my husband.  I was informed that we'd do anything that I wanted.    That meant seafood at The Dock At The Bay, movie rental (because I didn't feel like fighting the crowds on a rainy night ), and a slice of cake from The Dessert Deli (they made our wedding cake.   They totally own Amherst...half the town was in that place on a Saturday night paying 5 bucks for a slice of cake and LOVING it).

So we watched Silent Hill (meh  *shrug*  It ain't art, I'll say that much.  Probably would have liked it better if I'd ever played the game), ate cake, got cozy, napped...  All very pleasant.  

Then I wake up because the wind is howling and the rain is falling in buckets, and I decide to check up with my eBay auctions online...and I find e-mail from some friends, informing me that someone we all know died this morning.

She was my age and she was a strange bird prone to bouts of crazy...but she introduced me to anime and she made really great cocoa and even though we clashed sometimes, I always admired her.  She had lovely long red hair and she was a very good fencer.  She bought her first house at 24...quite a feat for a single girl...and lived in it quite nicely, all alone.  She was very smart and very independent...she had great art on the walls.

I knew she was sick...she's had breast cancer for three years, but I didn't know how ill she'd become.  I was going to give her a call and see how she was doing.  

...  I have nothing much more to say.  I'm not exactly devastated or anything...I'm just saddened and feeling my mortality.  She was my age and she's gone, and isn't the world a capricious place?  Lightning strikes or it doesn't.  The lump is just a cyst or maybe a malignant tumor.  There's no telling which way it'll go.   Usually I'm fine with that.  Tonight, I'm hearing the storm at my window and it sounds...close.

Comments

[pzb.livejournal.com]

I think battling your own mortality is certainly one of the hardest things you'll ever face. When Jim's sister died three years ago from cirvical cancer, she was only two years older than me. So I understand what you're feeling right now. *sigh* yay fun memories....XP

Heee....good seafood sounds so good right about now....we're much further inland that we were in CA, so that kinda kills any great seafood for the most part...

[merimask.livejournal.com]

It's...yeah, it's a rough thing when anyone dies but it's especially personal when it happens to someone in your own generation, 'cause you have a sense of invulnerability and I see how it's going to erode away as the years pass.

Agh! I sound so selfish and I ~know~ it, but I keep thinking in terms of what D's death means for me...in my life. How self-centered is that? I just keep thinking about what would happen to Greg or Charlotte if I was gone. It's beyond contemplating.

[pzb.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't call it selfish or self-centered... It's part of dealing with your mortality. The day they decided to let Beth go, I called my mom, asking her to come out to the hospital. She wound up calling back, saying she couldn't because she was crying so hard at the thought of what if that had been me, since I was only 2 years younger. It could have been. And that's a scary thought. Several times I've thought about it, that it easily could have been me...what would my mom and Jim do.... It's just part of the mourning process....good ol' survivor's guilt. ;)