"I am pretty sure this is only a harbinger of what high school with her is gonna be like. *investing in lots of hair-coloring products to cover up the grey that's undoubtedly in my future*"
You. Have. No. Idea.
Erica is/was the same way. *Everything* in her life in high school was high drama, and she surrounded herself with people who were also dramatic. Being the "part-time parents," we weren't on the front lines, but suffice it to say that my teeth were clenched pretty much permanently from the age of 13 until about 17. I'm not sure which was my low point: when her mother's live-in-boyfriend (I refuse to call him her fiancee - they got "engaged" before we did and we've had our sixth anniversary) moved his two teen-mother illegitimate daughters and their which-boyfriend-fathered-this-one kids in with them (they'd been evicted) and Erica started talking about how cool it would be to have a baby (can you imagine what my blood pressure did?); or when we heard about the police showing up at midnight looking for her boyfriend who had been reported missing by his mother. This was the 18 year-old-boyfriend - when she was 13 or 14. I can't imagine what her mother was thinking. I told her flat out that I considered any 18 year old who was sniffing around girls her age to be an incipient pedophile.
At any rate, my point is that you need to brace yourself but know that it will be okay. Erica is through her third semester in the college of criminal justice at Northeastern University (Dean's List AND 4.0!!!) and going into her internship. She still has drama - that girl's entire life is drama - but she's okay. Char sounds like a great kind, and you've grounded her in a good, loving family. I don't think she'll stray too far.
As far as her friend... that one is tough. Is she basically a decent kid? If she has capital "I" Issues, you need to be careful to protect your own family. But otherwise I think that you are providing something she really needs. Friends of mine raised a distant cousin of his - her mother was disappointed when she grew too much to be a ballerina (both of her daughters were going to be dancers - that was her plan), and one afternoon older daughter came home to an empty house. Her mom and sister moved out while she was at school, leaving no contact info. Her dad took her for a while, but when he and the new wife had a new baby that didn't fly, and my friends took her in. She became a lovely, talented, hard-working young lady.
I'm not suggesting that you move her in. But keep doing what you're doing if you can swing the finances. A warm breakfast, a non-abusive place to go, exposure to an affectionate family: these are valuable far beyond the monetary cost of what you're feeding her. By all means, enforce the house rules - she's in your house after all. Make sure that there's no ambiguity, and lay down some boundaries. And make sure that you and Greg agree. He lives there too :-).
As much as anything, you are providing an example of how a family *should* work. If this girl grows up only seeing what is happening in her "home," she's going to perpetuate it. You can't aspire to a healty relationship if you don't know what it looks like.
no subject
You. Have. No. Idea.
Erica is/was the same way. *Everything* in her life in high school was high drama, and she surrounded herself with people who were also dramatic. Being the "part-time parents," we weren't on the front lines, but suffice it to say that my teeth were clenched pretty much permanently from the age of 13 until about 17. I'm not sure which was my low point: when her mother's live-in-boyfriend (I refuse to call him her fiancee - they got "engaged" before we did and we've had our sixth anniversary) moved his two teen-mother illegitimate daughters and their which-boyfriend-fathered-this-one kids in with them (they'd been evicted) and Erica started talking about how cool it would be to have a baby (can you imagine what my blood pressure did?); or when we heard about the police showing up at midnight looking for her boyfriend who had been reported missing by his mother. This was the 18 year-old-boyfriend - when she was 13 or 14. I can't imagine what her mother was thinking. I told her flat out that I considered any 18 year old who was sniffing around girls her age to be an incipient pedophile.
At any rate, my point is that you need to brace yourself but know that it will be okay. Erica is through her third semester in the college of criminal justice at Northeastern University (Dean's List AND 4.0!!!) and going into her internship. She still has drama - that girl's entire life is drama - but she's okay. Char sounds like a great kind, and you've grounded her in a good, loving family. I don't think she'll stray too far.
As far as her friend... that one is tough. Is she basically a decent kid? If she has capital "I" Issues, you need to be careful to protect your own family. But otherwise I think that you are providing something she really needs. Friends of mine raised a distant cousin of his - her mother was disappointed when she grew too much to be a ballerina (both of her daughters were going to be dancers - that was her plan), and one afternoon older daughter came home to an empty house. Her mom and sister moved out while she was at school, leaving no contact info. Her dad took her for a while, but when he and the new wife had a new baby that didn't fly, and my friends took her in. She became a lovely, talented, hard-working young lady.
I'm not suggesting that you move her in. But keep doing what you're doing if you can swing the finances. A warm breakfast, a non-abusive place to go, exposure to an affectionate family: these are valuable far beyond the monetary cost of what you're feeding her. By all means, enforce the house rules - she's in your house after all. Make sure that there's no ambiguity, and lay down some boundaries. And make sure that you and Greg agree. He lives there too :-).
As much as anything, you are providing an example of how a family *should* work. If this girl grows up only seeing what is happening in her "home," she's going to perpetuate it. You can't aspire to a healty relationship if you don't know what it looks like.
Eloise