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Christmas Spirit arriving on time at gate four...
OMG I have to re-do this ENTIRE entry because I did something that angered the LJ gods and I lost the whole freaking thing just as I was finishing it...and I didn't copy or save it or anything. Arrrrgh! I hope you all know how much I love you...
So! Anyway! I've had a terribly busy weekend. I decided to attend a very small local SCA event, primarily so I'd have something to do on Saturday. I was hoping to have a good time hanging out with friends (which I did) and maybe make a few bucks so I could do some much-needed Christmas shopping. To my surprise, I ended up selling a lot of really nice stuff (among other things, the Amaterasu mask and one of my new ribbon masks). I brought little low-cost things like pins and prints, that I figured would be good impulse gift purchases, and instead I was running cards all day for big ticket items...woo!
I was very pleased with myself, by the way, because I had the foresight to bring a cute little bento box full of sushi for my lunch. I found out it's absolutely the perfect food item to have on hand during a bustling busy event. If you get swamped with orders or customers and you have to pause, it's ok because it's supposed to be cold! :-) Also, it's compact, neat, and you can impress the hell out of folks with your mad chopstick skills. Hee! It turns out a lot of my friends are into sushi too (who knew? Not me.), so now I have a number of pending lunch dates...and the only thing better than sushi is sushi with friends.
So, y'know, color me happy. :-)
So now the tree is up and decorated, the lights are on the shrubs out front (little white net lights...very tasteful), and the flag has been changed from "fall leaves" to "winter snowflake". It's beginning to look a lot like...well, you know. ;-)
So! Anyway! I've had a terribly busy weekend. I decided to attend a very small local SCA event, primarily so I'd have something to do on Saturday. I was hoping to have a good time hanging out with friends (which I did) and maybe make a few bucks so I could do some much-needed Christmas shopping. To my surprise, I ended up selling a lot of really nice stuff (among other things, the Amaterasu mask and one of my new ribbon masks). I brought little low-cost things like pins and prints, that I figured would be good impulse gift purchases, and instead I was running cards all day for big ticket items...woo!
I was very pleased with myself, by the way, because I had the foresight to bring a cute little bento box full of sushi for my lunch. I found out it's absolutely the perfect food item to have on hand during a bustling busy event. If you get swamped with orders or customers and you have to pause, it's ok because it's supposed to be cold! :-) Also, it's compact, neat, and you can impress the hell out of folks with your mad chopstick skills. Hee! It turns out a lot of my friends are into sushi too (who knew? Not me.), so now I have a number of pending lunch dates...and the only thing better than sushi is sushi with friends.
So, y'know, color me happy. :-)
I arrived home exhausted and I have yet to recover, because our house was not a relaxing place all weekend. Charlotte invited her latest friend over for an impromptu sleepover. I wasn't in the mood to deny the kid anything; when I got home I found a letter on the kitchen table, telling us that Char made the honor roll again this year (and enclosed was a brand new "My Child Is An Honor Roll Student!" bumper sticker...another one for the collection! *beam*). So her friend spent the night, and there was much squealing and running up and down stairs and other kid-related mayhem that I'm not used to.
You know, I have just one kid, and sometimes that makes me a little sad (because I think I'm a pretty damn good mom, if I do say so myself), but sometimes I'm so grateful to just have one, because it seems like more than one can be a real...adventure. One child alone is mature, composed, never lacks for attention, is helpful and reliable; more like a miniature adult than a kid. Have MORE than one, though and they start to gang up on you! There's rivalry, jealousy, bickering (over toys and attention, and later it's clothes, makeup, and boyfriends!), and basically the kids take over. That's how it looks to me, anyway. It's a matter of personal preference, I guess...I just don't like a chaotic house.
This little friend of Char's, however, comes from just such a chaotic home. Six kids from three different marriages...to call this a "blended" family is putting it mildly (if they are "blended", it was done in a blender set on "frappe"), and the situation, in my opinion, is bordering on child abuse. The girl's stepmother seems to despise this child, and favors her own blood-related children over the father's girl. She encourages her kids to heap abuse on the poor girl's head...it's a real Cinderella story but with no fairy godmother. The father has elected to "solve" the problem by not solving anything...he made an apartment out in the back of the home, and this little girl fends for herself back there (separate entrance because stepmom locks her out of the main house, separate refrigerator because she's not allowed to eat her stepsister's food, and the kid gets an allowance from dad to do her own shopping because dad is too busy and stepmom can't be bothered)...and this girl is just 13 years old.
About a week after she started coming here every day, I noticed a flea on Kiba, which is weird because there are NEVER fleas on my pets, ever. I use flea treatments all summer and my house has always been pest-free...even my dear departed pets were always clean. Plus, it's not even flea season anymore (too cold!). I was confused until I overheard this girl telling Char how there were SO many fleas at her house that you can see them jumping. Also, she has lice. :-(
It's a disgusting situation and I'm tempted to get CPS involved, except I remember how "helpful" they were the last time I had an issue I thought needed their attention (if you're on my f-list, you might remember all the "fun" from last year?). I've already called the school, and I think they might have said something to this girl's father because he made an effort to meet our family this weekend and explain the "situation". He did a lot of shrugging and justifying ("oh, you know, my wife is just crazy but it'll all blow over. Whatever!"). I was not charmed, but I just nodded and kept my mouth shut (I find that if you're silent, sometimes people will just keep talking and you learn more that way) and I think I know two things for certain. This guy is not a bad person, but he is not bright, and he has NO idea how to manage this family or rectify this situation. Also, if I said "Why don't you let your daughter come stay with us for a while?" he'd JUMP at the chance.
I am not going to do that. I wouldn't feel comfortable, enforcing the household rules on someone else's kid. I can see she does pretty much whatever she has to do to get by, on her own recognizance, and there's a long history of pathology there (her real mother abandoned her when she was just six years old, and she hasn't seen or heard from her in as many years). Frankly I'm pissed at the father. He's done a crappy job of protecting his little girl. Before I married Greg, before he moved in, even before we got really serious, we had a LONG talk about Charlotte and this family and our plans for making it all work. It would have been a deal breaker if I'd discovered that he didn't like her. I suspect this father never had a talk like that with his current wife, and his kid is paying for it.
And you can tell she's on her own. Her hair is a mess, she's as thin as a rail (from what I can tell she subsists on powdered donuts and chocolate milk), and she dresses like a homeless waif. I'm working on the hygiene thing (I got her a bag full of shampoos and soaps from Bath And Body Works...subtle), and my Mom took her shopping and spent about a hundred dollars on an updated wardrobe at Hot Topic. I feed her a warm breakfast on schooldays, and after school she knows my house is a safe haven for her until her Dad gets home from work (yeah, I know I'm being taken advantage of and I'm just providing her slug parents with free babysitting...but that's not the kid's fault). Charlotte is a sweet kid with a soft spot for lost causes. She wants to "save" this girl, but I'm not sure how much "saving" we can do. I'm worried about the future of this relationship with this kid, and I foresee trouble in high school (she has absolutely NO supervision). It's an upsetting situation. I guess we'll see.
In the meantime, I'm treating my household for pests. I just had to spend a hundred dollars I didn't have on three months of Advantix treatments for the dog and the cat (but it's worth it 'cause that stuff works like a charm). *sigh*
You know, I have just one kid, and sometimes that makes me a little sad (because I think I'm a pretty damn good mom, if I do say so myself), but sometimes I'm so grateful to just have one, because it seems like more than one can be a real...adventure. One child alone is mature, composed, never lacks for attention, is helpful and reliable; more like a miniature adult than a kid. Have MORE than one, though and they start to gang up on you! There's rivalry, jealousy, bickering (over toys and attention, and later it's clothes, makeup, and boyfriends!), and basically the kids take over. That's how it looks to me, anyway. It's a matter of personal preference, I guess...I just don't like a chaotic house.
This little friend of Char's, however, comes from just such a chaotic home. Six kids from three different marriages...to call this a "blended" family is putting it mildly (if they are "blended", it was done in a blender set on "frappe"), and the situation, in my opinion, is bordering on child abuse. The girl's stepmother seems to despise this child, and favors her own blood-related children over the father's girl. She encourages her kids to heap abuse on the poor girl's head...it's a real Cinderella story but with no fairy godmother. The father has elected to "solve" the problem by not solving anything...he made an apartment out in the back of the home, and this little girl fends for herself back there (separate entrance because stepmom locks her out of the main house, separate refrigerator because she's not allowed to eat her stepsister's food, and the kid gets an allowance from dad to do her own shopping because dad is too busy and stepmom can't be bothered)...and this girl is just 13 years old.
About a week after she started coming here every day, I noticed a flea on Kiba, which is weird because there are NEVER fleas on my pets, ever. I use flea treatments all summer and my house has always been pest-free...even my dear departed pets were always clean. Plus, it's not even flea season anymore (too cold!). I was confused until I overheard this girl telling Char how there were SO many fleas at her house that you can see them jumping. Also, she has lice. :-(
It's a disgusting situation and I'm tempted to get CPS involved, except I remember how "helpful" they were the last time I had an issue I thought needed their attention (if you're on my f-list, you might remember all the "fun" from last year?). I've already called the school, and I think they might have said something to this girl's father because he made an effort to meet our family this weekend and explain the "situation". He did a lot of shrugging and justifying ("oh, you know, my wife is just crazy but it'll all blow over. Whatever!"). I was not charmed, but I just nodded and kept my mouth shut (I find that if you're silent, sometimes people will just keep talking and you learn more that way) and I think I know two things for certain. This guy is not a bad person, but he is not bright, and he has NO idea how to manage this family or rectify this situation. Also, if I said "Why don't you let your daughter come stay with us for a while?" he'd JUMP at the chance.
I am not going to do that. I wouldn't feel comfortable, enforcing the household rules on someone else's kid. I can see she does pretty much whatever she has to do to get by, on her own recognizance, and there's a long history of pathology there (her real mother abandoned her when she was just six years old, and she hasn't seen or heard from her in as many years). Frankly I'm pissed at the father. He's done a crappy job of protecting his little girl. Before I married Greg, before he moved in, even before we got really serious, we had a LONG talk about Charlotte and this family and our plans for making it all work. It would have been a deal breaker if I'd discovered that he didn't like her. I suspect this father never had a talk like that with his current wife, and his kid is paying for it.
And you can tell she's on her own. Her hair is a mess, she's as thin as a rail (from what I can tell she subsists on powdered donuts and chocolate milk), and she dresses like a homeless waif. I'm working on the hygiene thing (I got her a bag full of shampoos and soaps from Bath And Body Works...subtle), and my Mom took her shopping and spent about a hundred dollars on an updated wardrobe at Hot Topic. I feed her a warm breakfast on schooldays, and after school she knows my house is a safe haven for her until her Dad gets home from work (yeah, I know I'm being taken advantage of and I'm just providing her slug parents with free babysitting...but that's not the kid's fault). Charlotte is a sweet kid with a soft spot for lost causes. She wants to "save" this girl, but I'm not sure how much "saving" we can do. I'm worried about the future of this relationship with this kid, and I foresee trouble in high school (she has absolutely NO supervision). It's an upsetting situation. I guess we'll see.
In the meantime, I'm treating my household for pests. I just had to spend a hundred dollars I didn't have on three months of Advantix treatments for the dog and the cat (but it's worth it 'cause that stuff works like a charm). *sigh*
Today was another busy day because I brought home our tree! It's a perfect 7 ft tall frasier fir and I got it from the nicest little family business! The young man who so helpfully wrapped and loaded our tree onto my car rack told me about the family farm about two hours south of here...they grow and cut the trees on their own land ("...and someday it'll all be mine 'cause I'm the one who wants it!", he was just as cute as a button), so our tree was JUST cut down (and my livingroom smells wonderful...like a fresh pine forest). I was so tickled I tipped him a five. We'll definitely go back there next year...they beat the huge commercial lot just up the street all to heck. Last year I paid almost 70.00 for a frasier that looked a little crooked, and this year our tree cost me less than 50.00 even with the tip. *pleased*
So now the tree is up and decorated, the lights are on the shrubs out front (little white net lights...very tasteful), and the flag has been changed from "fall leaves" to "winter snowflake". It's beginning to look a lot like...well, you know. ;-)
no subject
(Anonymous) 2006-12-14 02:05 pm (UTC)(link)You. Have. No. Idea.
Erica is/was the same way. *Everything* in her life in high school was high drama, and she surrounded herself with people who were also dramatic. Being the "part-time parents," we weren't on the front lines, but suffice it to say that my teeth were clenched pretty much permanently from the age of 13 until about 17. I'm not sure which was my low point: when her mother's live-in-boyfriend (I refuse to call him her fiancee - they got "engaged" before we did and we've had our sixth anniversary) moved his two teen-mother illegitimate daughters and their which-boyfriend-fathered-this-one kids in with them (they'd been evicted) and Erica started talking about how cool it would be to have a baby (can you imagine what my blood pressure did?); or when we heard about the police showing up at midnight looking for her boyfriend who had been reported missing by his mother. This was the 18 year-old-boyfriend - when she was 13 or 14. I can't imagine what her mother was thinking. I told her flat out that I considered any 18 year old who was sniffing around girls her age to be an incipient pedophile.
At any rate, my point is that you need to brace yourself but know that it will be okay. Erica is through her third semester in the college of criminal justice at Northeastern University (Dean's List AND 4.0!!!) and going into her internship. She still has drama - that girl's entire life is drama - but she's okay. Char sounds like a great kind, and you've grounded her in a good, loving family. I don't think she'll stray too far.
As far as her friend... that one is tough. Is she basically a decent kid? If she has capital "I" Issues, you need to be careful to protect your own family. But otherwise I think that you are providing something she really needs. Friends of mine raised a distant cousin of his - her mother was disappointed when she grew too much to be a ballerina (both of her daughters were going to be dancers - that was her plan), and one afternoon older daughter came home to an empty house. Her mom and sister moved out while she was at school, leaving no contact info. Her dad took her for a while, but when he and the new wife had a new baby that didn't fly, and my friends took her in. She became a lovely, talented, hard-working young lady.
I'm not suggesting that you move her in. But keep doing what you're doing if you can swing the finances. A warm breakfast, a non-abusive place to go, exposure to an affectionate family: these are valuable far beyond the monetary cost of what you're feeding her. By all means, enforce the house rules - she's in your house after all. Make sure that there's no ambiguity, and lay down some boundaries. And make sure that you and Greg agree. He lives there too :-).
As much as anything, you are providing an example of how a family *should* work. If this girl grows up only seeing what is happening in her "home," she's going to perpetuate it. You can't aspire to a healty relationship if you don't know what it looks like.
Eloise