Is "blog" the onomatopoeic term for the sound one makes while spewing emotionally in one's journal?

[merimask]

So, yeah.  Charlotte's little needy friends are no longer going to call my house "home" for a while.  The Great Social Experiment of '06 comes to a screeching halt as of today for a number of reasons, not the least of which is I got her report card today and she went from all "A"s to "C" and "C-"s in just one quarter.   Her friends aren't bad kids, but they have NO structure, no one cares whether they get home on time or do their homework, and so Charlotte has gone right along for the ride and I'm freaking sick of having to yell at her about it.   Her little girlfriend with the fucked-up family is a total goof-off and they never do their homework (even though when they get home that's what I tell them to do)...Char got so many incomplete homeworks this quarter that (in spite of getting 100% of her tests right) she's lucky she passed a few of her classes.   All I can say is Wow.  My mom was right.  Your friends really CAN drag you down.  *sigh*

So now I have to go back to being the heavy, and micro-manage her life, and I freaking HATE that but *shrug* what else can I do?  

Frankly, I DO worry about "Nature vs Nurture" all the time, because I DO believe we're genetically hotwired for certain tendencies.   Her biological father (my ex) was notorious for being utterly unable to stay on task.  In the eight years we were married he went through over 22 jobs..  22!  Seriously, I kept track!  So I worry about Char being flighty and y'know, she really is.  I'm not sure how much of that is just being a kid and how much is inherited from her dad...but I do my best to keep her focused.  It was a lot easier to do when she was really little.  The older she gets, the more she...wanders, and the more I worry.

I was a bad student myself, partly because I never learned to study (I have an eidetic memory) and partly because I was thrown to the wolves in public school in the 70's, when advanced courses or GT programs were unheard of and being smart was tantamount to asking for an ass whupping (so I played dumb an awful lot).  Char can't use that as an excuse...she's been in GT classes and advanced study groups since she was in kindergarten, and today's public schools (at least here) are ultra-sensitive to bullying and stuff like that. 

No, she just has a penchant for drama and I think she's trying to "fit in" with these poor kids (my Mom has been calling them "The Orphans" which is uncharitable but accurate, as not one of them has a responsible adult in their lives).  I just wonder what the heck is going on...last year all her friends came from families with involved, present parents, and most of them were in GT classes with Char.   This year, she's been drawn to all the kids with the MOST screwed up homes.  Every one of them has major problems...not one of her friends has what you'd think of as a "normal" home, in fact I'd say that they're all neglected or abused.   Why does she seek these kids out?    I have to wonder if this is fallout from that stupid-ass custody battle I went through with my ex last year.  

Crap.  Maybe more counseling is in order.   

Comments

[moko-moko.livejournal.com]

Ugh, what a crappy start to the weekend. But on the flipside, it's quite interesting to hear the inner thoughts of a parent from the other side since I did bad-to-average throughout highschool. Friends are definitely a huge factor, though with the right guidance she can just rise above it and still be friends with them even if they aren't the best influences. One of my best friends in HS turned into a notorious nymphomaniac, drinker and drug-user and I'm glad to say I never went along with it and now she's clean. But I hope you manage to have a nice talk with her about her new pals and everthing can move on up! *huggles* Chin up and good luck!

[pzb.livejournal.com]

Hrmmm...maybe counselling wouldn't be a bad idea. I, too, believe people t be genetically hardwired toward certain tendancies... They've proven it with things like alcoholism (which is something we have to watch out for with Jim..luckily, he's not much of a drinker...he obsesses over things other than alcohol..latey, it's been the bicycle. XD Which is just fine by me.)

Those kids do need structure, but that's not something you can provide for them, so I don't blame you for kicking them out. Hopefully Char can get back on track for next quarter without too many problems. *crosses fingers*

[ramblinsuze.livejournal.com]

Definitely sounds like it's time for Mom to step in. I believe that you should be able to be friends with whoever you want, but if it's affecting your grades, that's not good. Counseling isn't a bad idea at all. Someone who has a better understanding of adolescent behavior may be able to help bring out the reasons why Char is not only gravitating toward kids with major issues, but also why she's let her grades slip along the way. I hope you can help her work through this soon!

[shvetufae.livejournal.com]

I agree with all these comments. As big a heart as you have, Charlotte is your main concern. Maybe she's experimenting, maybe it's fallout, as you put it, but either way, as a good mother, you've been watching, and you see it's time to take charge.

Therapy helped me get through some dark times, and I might turn back to it in the future, once I have a job that allows me more time to myself in the evenings. If you find a good therapist, he or she can only help Char come to terms with the ugliness of last year and whatever she is experiencing now.

[golden-meliades.livejournal.com]

Yikes. Hmm, that's just never happened to me. I don't even walk to the beat of my own drummer...I hired a flautist and a harpist to play me down the path and told the drummer to take a hike :) And my sisters never fell into bad influences either, but more because my parents were so serious about things and new they couldn't get away with it than because they simply couldn't have been tempted to do as their friends did.

Naturally, it won't hurt Char to get bad grades for one quarter, but until you know where it would stop, it probably *is* best to limit her association with anyone who might be causing/influencing this shift in things. I don't wonder at her need to fit in but I do wonder why she wants to fit in with these girls (or just 'girl'?) in particular, rather than the popular kids or the smart kids or whatever cliques her school has. (My junior high had them ALL.)

If Charlotte *needs* micro-managing then I hope you'll manage not to feel too bad about it, because it's more important that she not get all messed up in ways that will last than it is for her to 'like' you; most teens hate their parents for a good portion of the time anyway. :/ (I got seriously annoyed with my dad and never my mom, but that's how it STILL is, and I was a weird, weird teen. But my baby sis was HORRIBLE to my parents for at least a full year, maybe two. Really horrible. And it was just her age, nothing else...nothing bad was happening to her and there were no particularly bad influences of any kind in her life.) Hopefully Charlotte sees past any new rules and discipline to the reasons behind it and accepts it as gracefully as one could expect from a thirteen-year-old. :) (Fourteen year old?)

[rumdiculous.livejournal.com]

:( I hope things are going better since this post.

The problem with friends is that they can harm as well as they can help. It's hard to find the right mix of people.

I think you're def. doing the right thing. *hugs*