Still never sure whether to classify myself as an artist or not. Probably. But I am both the same and opposite to what you've just described yourself as. I'm completely insular...it's probably not possible to be more insular than me without having a mental problem...and not at all social. People like me, though, which in my opinion is strange. Only on LJ does anyone realize how bad-tempered I am, and that's because I flat out TELL them, repeatedly. And occasionally let out the huge rants in my LJ that I'd never say irl.
People remember me, too, and I rarely remember them. Almost everyone thinks I'm someone I'm not.
However, that doesn't really bother me, and though I'm not social, I am the bloody best friend in the WORLD. You can't get a more dedicated friend than me. However, right now, I only have one friend. That's it. One. My best friend, catsinanorbit, who has been my best for 14 years. I'm so intense with friendship that I can't maintain more than a few. (That, and I never meet anyone because I'm always alone.)
I'd like to have a few more really good friends, irl. I really would. But I can't honestly say I'm lonely. It's hard for me to be lonely...I don't really understand it. Even if I didn't have my best friend, I kind of doubt I'd be lonely in a normal way.
I do love the idea of community and er...sociality...though. I love the idea of living in an artists community, where everyone maintains their own unique house and is an entrepreneur, where everyone goes to a locally owned cafe for fabulous artsy lunches to chat about colour and the things you can do with feathers, and they eat off plates made by a local potter. Community gardens, yoga classes, nature walks...yeah. Oh god, I never stop with the ideas. I sometimes feel lonely for an IDEA...but never for real people. Real people just make me crazy and sad and sometimes a bit scared for the entire world. More than sometimes, actually. I can't stand 'people'.
I guess we really are predisposed right from birth. I didn't believe them for a long time, but my parents claim I was barely old enough to hold up a book when I started falling asleep with them tented over my baby head in my crib. I started speaking at or just before 9 months, and I didn't speak only one word...I'd string three together. Months before I could walk, too. And I used to go to sleep every night (I think I may have told you this one before) by making my parents giggle...because they could hear me in my room, going "Cow. Cow. Cow. COOOWWWW..."
Apparently I was doing vocab. I can barely believe it, but I used to repeat words I'd learned/heard that day over and over at night before bed. I HAVE always gotten perfect grades in vocab, I know that. Weird.
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Date: 2006-07-07 09:34 pm (UTC)People remember me, too, and I rarely remember them. Almost everyone thinks I'm someone I'm not.
However, that doesn't really bother me, and though I'm not social, I am the bloody best friend in the WORLD. You can't get a more dedicated friend than me. However, right now, I only have one friend. That's it. One. My best friend, catsinanorbit, who has been my best for 14 years. I'm so intense with friendship that I can't maintain more than a few. (That, and I never meet anyone because I'm always alone.)
I'd like to have a few more really good friends, irl. I really would. But I can't honestly say I'm lonely. It's hard for me to be lonely...I don't really understand it. Even if I didn't have my best friend, I kind of doubt I'd be lonely in a normal way.
I do love the idea of community and er...sociality...though. I love the idea of living in an artists community, where everyone maintains their own unique house and is an entrepreneur, where everyone goes to a locally owned cafe for fabulous artsy lunches to chat about colour and the things you can do with feathers, and they eat off plates made by a local potter. Community gardens, yoga classes, nature walks...yeah. Oh god, I never stop with the ideas. I sometimes feel lonely for an IDEA...but never for real people. Real people just make me crazy and sad and sometimes a bit scared for the entire world. More than sometimes, actually. I can't stand 'people'.
I guess we really are predisposed right from birth. I didn't believe them for a long time, but my parents claim I was barely old enough to hold up a book when I started falling asleep with them tented over my baby head in my crib. I started speaking at or just before 9 months, and I didn't speak only one word...I'd string three together. Months before I could walk, too. And I used to go to sleep every night (I think I may have told you this one before) by making my parents giggle...because they could hear me in my room, going "Cow. Cow. Cow. COOOWWWW..."
Apparently I was doing vocab. I can barely believe it, but I used to repeat words I'd learned/heard that day over and over at night before bed. I HAVE always gotten perfect grades in vocab, I know that. Weird.