Getting it wrong

[merimask]

Arghhhh...I did something that I don't often do; I messed up on a commission.  :-/ 

See, the Haku mask I did yesterday was requested by a good repeat buyer on Etsy.  I made this Haku, because it's the third time I have made Haku & I'm still experimenting, & I saw the gray muzzle, scales, and more dramatic green as an improvement. 

However, the customer wanted this Haku, which is the last one I made.  Which is the one she was looking at when she ordered it.  & of course, I did not make that because I am a foolish, arrogant monkey.

I have to remember; I'm not really just making these things according to whim...I'm actually in the business of selling these things.  If a customer sees something they like, & they ask me to make another one for them, then I damn well should just re-create what they saw.

She was very nice about it...I just hate screwing up, is all. 

Anyway, this Haku is opened up to the general public in my shop now.
...hopefully someone will love him.  & now that I've made him two different ways, it's going to be even more confusing if anyone ever orders another one.  *sigh*   I do these things to myself. 

In other news; I've been sleeping badly.  Working too late, capping the night off with online business (which I should never ever do because it's stressful), going to bed when the birds start singing (around 5), waking to make eggs for Char at 6:30, then back to bed for as long as I can manage (noon usually) with the phone ringing & whatever else happens.  It's not healthy.

I slept to 1:30 today (a luxury!)...just long enough to have a bad dream.  I was younger (maybe 23 or so?) & for some reason, living at home, in my old house I grew up in, with my parents.  They decided to sell the house & move to a smaller one.  My younger brother & sister went off to college...I was just living there.  Oddly, I had Kiba.  They told me I had to get my own place, & I was SO upset.  I said that with all the foreclosures & the economy being what it is, I'd never find an affordable apartment.  I said I'd have to give up the dog.  They were implacable.  I woke up crying.

Of course, none of this happened.  I haven't lived at home since I was 22.  My Mom still lives in the same old house, rattling around in that huge 4 bedroom house like a lone bean in an otherwise empty can.  If any of us needed to go live at home even now, we could move back any time.   Dad's been gone for 8 years...I think that's why I was so upset in my dream.  I knew he was dead, so when I saw him in my dream I was so happy...& then he kicked me out of the house.  *le sigh*

It's called an "anxiety dream" for a reason.   Even when I sleep, I'm still "getting it wrong".   :-(
 

Comments

[madshutterbug.livejournal.com]

Well, I won't argue with you about executing the commission incorrectly. Having done commission work, you are absolutely correct on that count.

However, there's still a level of not doing it wrong on the piece. You did it right. Just, not per commission.

Breathe in, breathe out. That is much to be preferred over the alternative. It will all work out. How? I don't know, that's a mystery.

[merimask.livejournal.com]

I'm so used to indulging myself (when it comes to my work) that I forget sometimes to shut it off when I do commissions. My customer base usually likes that, 'cause they want originals, but yeah I guess I deviated too far this time. :-(

It really bugs me to disappoint someone with my work. I can't explain it except to say that I take it personally.

[amandaalon.livejournal.com]

Sending you hugs!!

[merimask.livejournal.com]

Thanks! *clings* I need hugs.

[golden-meliades.livejournal.com]

It's not something to beat yourself up about. You did your best to make a great Haku mask and just forgot that the buyer probably loved the one they commissioned the sale on as it was and might find any change undesirable, even if the changes made it more accurate. It's not like you're forcing her to buy it anyway...it'll just take an extra day or two (?) to make another in the old style.

Unless the customer needs this on a tight deadline, I don't see any reason to self-flagellate, though when you feel bad of course there's nothing you can do...it's not often possible to just stop feeling bad, even if you know it's reasonable to let yourself.

There will be other people who will want your new, more accurate version of Haku. :)

[kelkyag]

Exactly this. It's a reminder to ask when you have a design with multiple revisions, and someone else will love the new version. You can still make the mask the customer asked for, and she'll probably *still* have it sooner than she would with many commissions.

[merimask.livejournal.com]

I just take it REALLY personally when I make something that someone doesn't like. I put a lot of myself into my work...which is great when they love it (it means they love ME yay!) but sucks when they don't. It's childish but there it is. I don't know how to separate myself from my work.

That's why I hate it when I get it wrong. It actually stops me for awhile & makes me question myself (remember the "great Koi experiment" that went awry?).

[golden-meliades.livejournal.com]

That was the plaque that ended up with the fishies looking too 'flat', right?

Ah ha, I take a lot of things way too personally, but as for art that only seems to affect my writing (all my writing is ME). I take any crit of my writing EXTREMELY personally, usually, unless I'm expecting it/have had a chance to put my mind in the right place, first. As for sticks, if someone doesn't like what I make, it's basically 'ok, whatever, I'll make it in a different colour, then, since you think this is too dark' or etc. Though I did once refuse to alter one of my favourite sticks to a customer's taste...they wanted the bone laquered so that it would be 'shiny', which would have made it look like cheap plastic, and I just wouldn't do it; I preferred not to sell it at all, in that case. Plus it is a bone stick and I don't know that I can seal them with clear top coats since most stuff doesn't 'stick', so it probably would just have destroyed it.

But I'd still have said no, honestly, even if I'd thought the top coat would have worked. I can't say it's the same, it's not that I identified with the stick...it's just that I loved it as it was and to me adding a gloss would be like cheapening it.

[angeljapan.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Send it to Miyazaki-san. He might like it!

[merimask.livejournal.com]

That is actually a good idea! Hmm...I wonder how I could do it?? Does he have an address for fan mail?

[golden-meliades.livejournal.com]

Miyazaki fan mail: http://www.fanmail.biz/76840.html

[zannachan.livejournal.com]

*Hugs* I'm sure that someone will love the new mask just as much as she will love the older style. At least she was really nice about it--she probably knows that sometimes things happen, and you are fixing the problem, so all good.

Sounds like you are really stressed--I get bizarro stress dreams like that when I'm stressed out, and unfortunately it means I don't really feel rested when I wake up. Is there anything you can do to try to unwind a little bit? Drink some relaxing tea, take a hot bath, go for a bike ride (or all three?) to help you sleep? I find that if I'm not getting enough sleep, I handle stress even less well than normal, so it definitely compounds the issue. And about 6 hours of not-so-great sleep is definitely not enough, at least for me. Maybe turn the ringer off on the phone will help?

[merimask.livejournal.com]

Like I was just telling Mel up there; I put so much of myself into my work that when I get it wrong, I take it personally. I don't know any other way to be. I think my work is usually high-quality because I DO care so much & invest myself personally...but that backfires when I mess up. It's childish, I know. :-/

I took a break yesterday (HAD to, I was too bummed to do anything except cut out patterns). Today is nicer so I think I'll ride my bike (it cheers me up) & spend some money (we need a new rocking chair), & then I'll see about getting back to work.

*hug* You are always so sweet! :-) We definitely have to get together at Pennsic this year.

[tallymark.livejournal.com]

Don't beat yourself up about it. :( It was an honest mistake. She'll still get the mask she wants and you still got to make a cool new design, so it's still a win for everyone in the end. Treat it as a learning experience? I can really see how just making stuff to sell is easier than doing commissions (though I'm certainly happy you do them! :) ) as you get to express yourself however you want, and then somebody decides they'd like to give you money for it. That sounds way easier!

[merimask.livejournal.com]

It just...when it comes to Etsy/online commissions I should know better. I have to treat myself like "the store" and my art is "the stock" and that's that. No messing around with designs that are commissions. I have to save the "messing around" for new designs. I'm just spoiled, creatively-speaking. Some artists have problems coming up with new designs & variations, & I have a problem controlling myself! I guess that's good, actually.