Feeling odd...

[merimask]

Hmm.  I'm feeling a bit off lately.

 

I think I've been doing too much again.  I'm all at odds with myself because I feel stressed out but I'm not sure why I should.

I have orders to make...plenty of them.  This is good because orders = money, but I'm daunted by how many there are and that causes me to procrastinate.  So, I'm creating without joy right now, in fits and spurts when I can force myself to do it.

I'm definitely escaping on my bike too much...just putting on my i-pod and taking off.  Sometimes that's good because Char comes with me, which is sweet.  Sometimes I'm all alone and I don't realize how fast or far I'm going until I pull up in a daze with a cramp.  That's not excercise.  That's running away.

I mean, it's silly to feel this way.  Working is good...I'd be lost without it.  And of course everyone knows I love to ride my bike.  I'm just feeling a bit unbalanced and stretched thin lately, like a watery pancake mix.  Like I might break. 

Also, I'm sabotaging myself.  I'm playing video games instead of reading a book.  I'm thinking about getting old, quite a bit.  This is really starting to bug me, the getting old thing.  I look in the mirror and my face doesn't match my spirit, and I can be vain so...it bothers me.  More than that, it frightens me.   It's not like you wake up one day and, surprise; you're seventy.  It happens slowly, and lately I'm seeing the new lines my face will fall into as I age and I'm seeing my grandmother...my own mom.   The clues are there and they scare me.  I'm not ready for old age, the same way I'm never ready for winter in November each year.  

Is this a midlife crisis I wonder?  It's not as fun as I'd heard.  I thought it'd mean I'd go to Europe alone, or have a fling, or install a hot tub or buy a motorcycle.  Instead I just feel anxious and stretched thin.  Hmm.

 

But enough whining.  I need some practical advice.  For any of you out there with DevArt accounts; how many comments do you reply to?  All of them?  Just the first page?  I have a monster of a backlog of comments and I always try to at least say "thanks" but the sheer amount is so massive that it'd take hours to do at this point. 

Also, another DA question...I'm getting a LOT of "Ooo I want to make that" comments.  Which of course is copyright infringement.  Like, to the point where kids are contacting me, asking for my PATTERNS so they can TRY TO MAKE A MASK.  Now, I don't own the idea of maskmaking, heck no.  But I sure as hell do own my mask designs.  Should I continue to ignore these comments (which is what I've been doing so far) or do I come down on these kids like the wrath of god?  Surely they must be kids.  Adults wouldn't dare suggest something like that to an artist...would they?  I suspect I'd be accused of being a bitch if I explain copyright law to a 13 year old kid who really likes my dragon, so I'm reluctant to be honest with anyone there.   
 

Comments

[golden-meliades.livejournal.com]

That would piss me off royally. (People actually asking you for patterns!) Have they no sense? I'd just tell them that I don't use a pre-formed pattern, that I make my own patterns/designs. If that doesn't clue them in to the fact that they're asking to have your hard work for free, and persisted in asking for YOUR patterns, I'd be really flat with them. (But you know I'm much happier doing so than you are, likely.) They'd be told that this is what I make a living at and that if I gave my designs away I'd be bankrupting myself...I WOULD use the analogy Aoi mentioned, of the baker with her recipes. (What kind of bakery gives out the recipes to everything they sell? If they did, very few people would bother to BUY any more! Or a magician and his tricks. If he tells everyone how he's doing the magic, it's not magic any more, and his act will die out completely.) I don't think that opens things for argument at all, because that simply isn't arguable by any but the worst idiots, and the worst idiots can safely be dealt with harshly...or completely ignored. (Who the heck would bother to argue with a total idiot anyway? It's pointless.)

I keep telling you you need to try the 'being reasonable' method. It's WAY more effective than the 'go all out' method...it really, really is. I developed muscle faster (and lost more weight) by being reasonable than I ever did by pushing as hard as I could. There is a point at which pushing is not gutsy or brave or determined or wonderful in any way, it's just stupid because it's so ineffective...wasteful (of energy) and damaging (of you/your life in general). Everyone crosses the line sometimes (unless they never push themselves at all, of course, which is worse) but to do it regularly...well, it's a pretty bad policy.

I know whereof I speak. Or something like that. I'm not a naturally reasonable person. The trick is to find the balance between 'I'm challenging myself' and 'I'm punishing myself'. Challenging feels invigorating and makes you healthier...but going too far feels exhausting and actually drags your health DOWN.

Back to Avatar. I'm not doing very well at talking to people these days, it keeps going all wrong and makes me want to go for days without speaking at all, online and irl. I might need to up my BC a bit, or something.

[merimask.livejournal.com]

I like the theory of being reasonable. I do try to apply it when I can, but when it comes to business-related situations I just can't without feeling lazy. Which makes me anxious. Like, I'm chipping away at my orders because that's reasonable (I can't possibly finish them all in a few days) but that also makes me feel like I have stuff hanging over my head, which adds to my anxiety.

Being in business for yourself requires you to overdo it all the time. People who overdo it get rewarded with success. So there's a lot of positive reinforcement to push yourself too hard. This is probably why so many people develop ulcers and have breakdowns... :-/

I usually do okay at finding that balance between "Challenging" and Punishing"...just, not lately.

& yes, the thing at DA with the requests for patterns is actually really pissing me off. I'm like "Holy cow, kids. I made a freaking tutorial with pictures, listed my methods, listed my supplies and even found online sources for those supplies, & that STILL isn't enough?" Maybe I did too much...offered too much information. The other professional artisans on DA sure don't share their methods or materials. There's a doll artist there (I faved some of her work...she's amazing) who makes these incredible dolls. They start at $1400, for a naked doll. The clothed ones must be upwards of $10,000. I don't even know what they are MADE of. It's not important what they are made of. DA is just for sharing beautiful things, and for me it's enough that they are beautiful.

[golden-meliades.livejournal.com]

For reasonable, I was talking about exercise. Going out when you have a stomach bug sounded rather harmful, to me (for example).

I only want a low level of sales (or success, if you want to put it that way) with my business, so I very rarely push myself at all in that arena. March and April were as busy as I wanted, really. May has been quiet but that's the way it always goes, after a busy month or two. (People seem to go into freaks at the change of season and so on...new beginning, all new stuff...or something like that.) Having people want my stuff all the time and needing to make things for regular requests would stress me right into bed so I don't want that to happen at all.