Feeling odd...

[merimask]

Hmm.  I'm feeling a bit off lately.

 

I think I've been doing too much again.  I'm all at odds with myself because I feel stressed out but I'm not sure why I should.

I have orders to make...plenty of them.  This is good because orders = money, but I'm daunted by how many there are and that causes me to procrastinate.  So, I'm creating without joy right now, in fits and spurts when I can force myself to do it.

I'm definitely escaping on my bike too much...just putting on my i-pod and taking off.  Sometimes that's good because Char comes with me, which is sweet.  Sometimes I'm all alone and I don't realize how fast or far I'm going until I pull up in a daze with a cramp.  That's not excercise.  That's running away.

I mean, it's silly to feel this way.  Working is good...I'd be lost without it.  And of course everyone knows I love to ride my bike.  I'm just feeling a bit unbalanced and stretched thin lately, like a watery pancake mix.  Like I might break. 

Also, I'm sabotaging myself.  I'm playing video games instead of reading a book.  I'm thinking about getting old, quite a bit.  This is really starting to bug me, the getting old thing.  I look in the mirror and my face doesn't match my spirit, and I can be vain so...it bothers me.  More than that, it frightens me.   It's not like you wake up one day and, surprise; you're seventy.  It happens slowly, and lately I'm seeing the new lines my face will fall into as I age and I'm seeing my grandmother...my own mom.   The clues are there and they scare me.  I'm not ready for old age, the same way I'm never ready for winter in November each year.  

Is this a midlife crisis I wonder?  It's not as fun as I'd heard.  I thought it'd mean I'd go to Europe alone, or have a fling, or install a hot tub or buy a motorcycle.  Instead I just feel anxious and stretched thin.  Hmm.

 

But enough whining.  I need some practical advice.  For any of you out there with DevArt accounts; how many comments do you reply to?  All of them?  Just the first page?  I have a monster of a backlog of comments and I always try to at least say "thanks" but the sheer amount is so massive that it'd take hours to do at this point. 

Also, another DA question...I'm getting a LOT of "Ooo I want to make that" comments.  Which of course is copyright infringement.  Like, to the point where kids are contacting me, asking for my PATTERNS so they can TRY TO MAKE A MASK.  Now, I don't own the idea of maskmaking, heck no.  But I sure as hell do own my mask designs.  Should I continue to ignore these comments (which is what I've been doing so far) or do I come down on these kids like the wrath of god?  Surely they must be kids.  Adults wouldn't dare suggest something like that to an artist...would they?  I suspect I'd be accused of being a bitch if I explain copyright law to a 13 year old kid who really likes my dragon, so I'm reluctant to be honest with anyone there.   
 

Comments

[merimask.livejournal.com]

I figured you'd understand. We are "of an age", so I know you wrestle with these issues too. I'm a realist, so the inevitability of approaching old age scares the heck out of me. Especially since I feel like my life is just starting to be more like I always wanted it to be. It seems cruel that I spent my entire youth making bad decisions and struggling, and now that I might actually be getting a handle on things, there goes my youth!

I am constantly finishing projects, all the time...I'm working like a crazy person. I don't get a very big payoff anymore, when I finish a project. Oftentimes it goes up in here & that's the only place I get to show it off. I used to do actual shows, and I used to get feedback from my Dad (which meant so much to me), but now it's just another picture in LJ or DA of just another mask, and ho hum. It doesn't satisfy my exhibitionist artist's soul.

The DD in DevArt made me happy but I got so many odd requests (like I said) for handouts of my designs that it just ended up pissing me off.

Probably I'm being too sensitive. A Q&A-style manifesto will probably be the right answer. I just have to sit down & DO it.

[kijjohnson.livejournal.com]

Exactly! I didn't regret what I was doing all that time, but now I think to myself, what would be life have been like if I had started climbing sooner, gone to Norway, kept making art? The gettng older things scares me even more because I am single. It's been over a year since I dated, and the older I get the harder it's going to get. Well, it feels that way, anyway.

I can understand that, about showing the masks online not doing it anymore, though I love seeing them. Would have some giant impressive wall-piece be nice? You could work on it as a reward for the smaller stuff, and when you're done, you could show it off.

Bythe way, I don't know if you have thought about showing your stuff at WorldCon in Montreal, and I don't know when the decide what's in the art show, but you might! Certainly it's unique and you would get a lot of positive attention there. Plus, I would get to meet you. :)

[merimask.livejournal.com]

Ohhh, if Worldcon was in the US I would totally show up with my art...the incentive to meet you there would be just enough to push me over the edge & do it. ^_^

Unfortunately, getting my stuff into Canada is super-expensive. You have to pay PST and GST at the border, up front, and if you don't sell the items they eventually reimbuse you...like in six months. O_o It's not a good system. Otherwise I'd be up in Toronto all the time with my work.

Let's consider it in the future though, 'cause if we could show up at the same convention how cool would THAT be? I'd totally treat you to tapas & sangria... ;-)