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All my happy thoughts are drying up & blowing away. I'm gripped by the most annoying kind of ennui; the kind where you still get things done but you don't know why you're bothering. I've probably been pushing myself too hard.
You know, it's a great & terrible thing to make a living doing what you love because sooner or later you run out of love and then, you're just making a living. I'm a spoiled brat & not used to that.
I need to kick it down a notch but I can't, because I've foolishly taken on a lot of financial burdens lately (which is probably exactly how I managed to kill the love). Everyone is counting on me for everything. Can't lean on anyone, can't afford to slack off.
So, I'm just going through the motions here. Hoping the love comes back soon.
If spring will just stick around for more than a day, I'll be a bit happier about all of it.
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Back when I was an undergrad and I was torn between pursuing art and biology, I took some art classes and found that when I HAD to do art...I hated it, completely and utterly. So I went with my other love, biology...but now I'm six years down that road and I hate biology and just want to do art! Lol. Cheer up though--you've got a career that is awesome and creative and fun, when you aren't weighted down by the burden of making a living.