breathing slow, counting...

[merimask]

Oh I am in a foul mood.  Not sleeping has something to do with it.  The ten inches of snow we're getting today has something to do with it.  Charlotte lost her phone last night at a varsity basketball game...that factors in there somewhere.  I'm living with two very sloppy people who are happiest when they see me cleaning up after them, apparently...that certainly adds to the fun.

One one thousand.  Two one thousand.  Three one thousand...sometimes, counting slowly helps but today, not so much. 

Umm.  I did manage to finish a few masks last night/this morning.  This is the neatest of the bunch; my promised Green Man, with ancient bronze-look paint.
 
I tried something new...moko_moko 's pictures of some lovely bronze lions reminded me that real old bronze ages very dark, so I darkened up the green a lot on this one, & added a black finishing wash to the whole thing.  S'pretty.

Shiny.  I have this mask up in Etsy right now.  It'll be interesting to see how it does.

Oh...I am really not done venting just yet.  Feel free to ignore this.

Here is how my day is going so far.  I'll start with yesterday.
*made lunch for Mom
*went to the Post Office & mailed 2 orders
*chipped ice off driveway because I knew a storm was coming
 *drove Char to friend's house
*picked up groceries
*filled car with gas...storm coming!
*came home, watched news,brushed Kiba, vaccuumed,did dishes
*saw that storm was going to be pretty big, so I packed up yet another order & mailed it right away 'cause I knew I wouldn't have my car today (Greg's car is no good in snow)
*Greg comes home, crashes on couch
*I get Chinese food for dinner, which I have to pick up & pay for
*Char calls from a basketball game for a ride home
*I pick up Char...she informs me that her phone is "gone"
*I fume and work all night on masks
*sleep 2 hours, get up to drive Char to school for mid term exam
*but first I make breakfast for her
*do dishes again
*clean sink/stove/counter because it is covered with yuk from Greg & Char being slobs with orange juice last night
*clean cat box
*find Char's old phone & charger for old phone
*shovel driveway & clean off car
*drive Char to school through a blizzard...she bitches 'cause I don't have cash for coffee at Tim Horton's
*back home...shovel again

So Greg leaves for work late because while I was doing all this, he played a nice video game.   Fortunately the car is nice and warm for him, and snow free.  He thinks it's funny that I have a headache.  I do not get a kiss goodbye.

And then, I photograph my new mask, clean up the pics in Photoshop, list it in Etsy, and sit down to write all this.

See, here is the thing.  I am busting my butt to keep sales going.  I'm trying to list something new every day.  That means I am making something all the time.  Making it isn't enough; I have to photograph it, write copy, list things, answer e-mail, do my PR work, package orders, mail stuff...it's a LOT of work.  Which of course I don't mind because I love what I do.

But then, on top of all that, I am also responsible for SO MUCH here.  This whole house grinds to a stop without me.  Every crisis is my responsibility.  Disciplining Char (who has been excessively teenagery for weeks now) is also my responsibility.  All home & pet maintenance...my responsibility.  And when I complain I'm teased.  And when I remind people of their small parts that I expect them to play in daily life (put on gloves for crying out loud...it's 10 degrees outside!  Don't forget your lunch!  You are supposed to be at "fill in the blank" in ten minutes...hurry up!) I am told that I am "nagging".  

Really I am hitting a wall here.  The very next thing that happens that I don't like is going to push me too far, today.  I predict I am going to scare the crap out of everyone by just screaming at the top of my lungs.   It'll be scary/funny.
 
*sigh*  It's snowing like CRAZY out there.  I need a vacation. 

Comments

[aoi-tsuki1.livejournal.com]

I suppose going on strike for two days would not be comedic or effective? It sounds like it'd do more damage to you. :/ Otherwise, the calm sit-down of "Get your asses in gear, plz" justice seems your only option, and those are no fun.

*hug*

[merimask.livejournal.com]

Every time I try the "going on strike" approach it backfires 'cause I find that everyone seems to have a ridiculously high tolerance for filth/chaos...much higher than mine at any rate.

The "going without food" thing tends to get their attention though. I might try just not feeding them until they cooperate a little. I have plastic spoons and yogurt. I'll be fine.

*clings*

[aoi-tsuki1.livejournal.com]

*pet pet* Hence having to communicate clearly so there's no chance for them to ignore their way out of it. A friend of mine recently tried this with his girlfriend, whose sex drive is a fraction of his, and...

It didn't work.

[paynesgrey.livejournal.com]

Ugh. I wish there was some way you could tell them to help out just a little. I was going through a similar thing with my husband. I'd spend all day Saturday and Sunday cleaning house and he'd be playing rock band. Finally I just broke down and threw a fit. He finally helped me. So I hope they can help you and give you a break.

Despite your mood, you were productive at least. The masks look fabulous! I love the shades of green.

[merimask.livejournal.com]

Well, venting here helps. Getting some sleep might help too. Last resort will be the pitching of a full-blown fit. That works but I always feel like I lost, somehow, even when I get some cooperation for a little while. I lose my moral high ground when I scream. I wish logic worked but when "logic" gets tagged as "nagging", it only makes me want to scream more.

My art is the only thing saving my sanity lately. I'm so grateful that the work keeps flowing, at any rate.

[golden-meliades.livejournal.com]

I live in a mess, too, which is impossible for me to clean even if I wanted to because the one causing the MOST mess and never doing ANYTHING to help clean it up is my dad. I just ignore it completely. Fruit rotting in a basket? I don't care. Dishes all crusty? I don't care. I haven't the energy to clean up after myself most days, let alone anyone else, so as long as I'm cleaning up my own messes I feel fine about it. Do you have some space that is just yours, somewhere, that the slobs aren't allowed to go in?

You should print up your list and give it to Greg and Charlotte, adding the bits about Greg thinking your headache was funny and so on. The point form makes the point faster and more clearly than anything else.

I hate the photographing and listing and shipping and stuff. It takes longer than actually making the item to be photographed/listed/shipped. -_- That's why I don't lower my prices. It may only take half an hour to make something, but it takes an HOUR to do all the other things associated with it, and that counts, too. So an hour and a half of labour went into that piece, and I count it all, darn it.

I need to clean off the top of my craft table and get some energy and put together that line of 'economy' items (I'll come up with another name for them but I think I should be able to sell that particular style of stick for $12 a pair, which is about as inexpensive as you can go with sticks). Right now people are freer with their money if the items they're buying are under $15. Even though for most people, the economy has not yet changed their lives in any way. -_- (If people would stop freaking out things would get better a lot faster. Unemployment in Canada isn't even in the high range and yet everyone is freaking out like a bunch of illogical doofuses. Doofii?)

39 days until we get to put our clocks forward.

[merimask.livejournal.com]

I've tried apathy...it doesn't work for me. I end up just doing all the cleaning eventually anyway & if I let it go, it's just a bigger mess when I finally cave.

I can't escape them; we live in a tiny little house & they infiltrate every part of it. Waah!

[golden-meliades.livejournal.com]

The key is, it has to be GENUINE apathy, which you can't feign. I really DON'T care. Occasionally for specific reasons it will get intensely frustrating...and in those times I just go straight back to my own part of the house and close myself in and forget about it.

I'd definitely go on food strike as you said above. They're making your life HARDER...why should you go on making theirs EASIER until they give you a break? Let them eat cereal and pretzels for a week and maybe they'll see some point in wiping up the juice they spill. Cut off anything that is done for them alone, maybe. You can't tolerate mess, so when you clean it's partly for you...but you get nothing out of making THEM food. Let them wash their own laundry, etc, you just do your own. Eventually they'll run out of underwear. Anything you don't HAVE to do (to stay sane and happy yourself) just let it go until they agree to pull their own weight. It's only showing them how they're making your life difficult so they can understand just how wearying and depressing and LIFE SUCKING it all is, to have to struggle over every puny thing, such as being able to find things in the fridge, or brush your teeth without ruining your shirt because SOMEONE didn't wipe up the bleach they slopped all over the place.

Okay, that may not have happened to YOU, but I think you probably understand perfectly well. I just think they should be made to appreciate just how much harder they'd have to work, if not for you, and that you're not a servant.

[kls-eloise.livejournal.com]

I have great sympathy.

It's snowing here also. Then the ice will come...

[merimask.livejournal.com]

The snow has ended...fortunately we are north of the ice line. I'll take snow over ice any day!

I am mailing your mask today, by the way. ^_^ Thank you!

[kls-eloise.livejournal.com]

The ice did indeed come. Yuck. The parking lot at work is a lawsuit waiting to happen.

I TOLD you I'd buy it if you made it. I've been coveting one of your green men for absolutely years, and I think this is the coolest treatment yet.

[empath-eia.livejournal.com]

Agh. I think my mom would understand how you feel, I wish she hung around LJ more.

Being barely past teenageryness myself I can't presume to nod sagely and say 'oh yes, I know exactly how you feel,' but I've seen my mom feel like that, and it always made me feel terrible and help out so I don't know what your husband and kid are thinking, really. :|

[merimask.livejournal.com]

I think we practice who we will be as adults when we are kids living at home. Moms get the job of doing all the teaching. So, a certain amount of chaos is expected, I guess.

[ramblinsuze.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'd be in a foul mood after all of that, too. I have always lived with slobs who don't see the problem in leaving crap everywhere, letting the place get disgusting, etc. The reason I am so pathologically against doing dishes now is because I was the ONLY one who did them when I was a teen.

The first thing is to get some sleep, because that will help take the "irrational" edge off your mood...leaving only the completely and utterly rational pissiness! (you have good reason! lol)

I'd make a poster titled "What I Did Today" with three columns, one for each of you. You write down your giant list (and don't spare the details! Don't exaggerate, of course, 'cause they'd crucify you for that, but give them everything!) with what little (non helpful) things they have done in the other columns.

Then, try a job list. Or whatever you think will get their attention. Not cooking is a good one. When they come around wanting to know where dinner is, you can tell them "sorry, you're on your own". What other things are they counting on you to do? Non-essentials, but things that will inconvenience them like...Char wants you to drive her to a friend's house. Sorry, not until you clean the litterbox. Greg wants...I dunno, whatever he wants from you. Sorry, not until you take out the garbage. Whatever.

I can't believe you still make breakfast for your kid. Holy crap, my mom would have let me starve, 'cause she knew it was something I could do on my own and she had to get herself ready to go in the mornings. If they're not appreciating everything that you do for them, stop doing some of it. Cook for just yourself (or go get Chinese food just for yourself!). Do only your own laundry. Char loses her phone...sorry, tough luck. (you could have a tracphone or something like that for emergencies only) Enough to be able to say, look at all of the things that I have been doing, and you can't even clean up when you spill some OJ?

I just can't put up with that crap. My ex-husband was like that. He had a man-cave that I totally didn't care if he trashed, as long as the rest of the house was kept fairly in order. But, inevitably, things would start piling up, and periodically I'd do a quick sweep, grab it all up and just chuck it into his room in one big pile. If he couldn't find something? Oh well...should have picked it up. ;)

Anyway...I love the new mask. I'm really a huge fan of the verdigris look. Don't be too hard on yourself with the selling. Post something every other day if it gives you some breathing room, y'know? And I hear you about the photographing and writing of copy. I did a lot of selling on eBay in the past and that was the part that always SUCKED.

*hugs*

(p.s. If all else fails...cry. That was my mom's secret weapon. It always got us right back in line.)

[merimask.livejournal.com]

Grr! I'm better today but WOW...sometimes it all gangs up on me & yesterday was one of those times.

When it comes to men being slobs...I guess it's our fault for not paying attention to how they lived before they had us to pick up after them. I remember Greg's apartment at RIT...it had stuff strewn across the floor from one end to the other. SERIOUS garbage too, like old pizza boxes (with old pizza still in it). That's never a good sign.

I know there are single men out there (like my brother) who keep a tidy home, so they do exist. Dating websites ought to include candid pics of the guy's apartment as well as the guy, for a better informed match. ^_^

[zannachan.livejournal.com]

*Hugs*

I'm sorry. I would be angry and frustrated in your shoes too--especially when, adding insult to injury, first you get Char complaining about not being able to get Tim Horton's Coffee and then no only having George play games in the morning and then being amused by your headache (sorry, that's a smiting offense. Headaches are never funny, no matter what the cause.)

I am running into a bit of that myself, though DB isn't being insensitive at least. It's just that I can't do as much of the housework as I used to and make the progress I need to on my dissertation, so things aren't getting done.

It's hard when you work at home, I think, because it's so easy for the spouse to think, "oh, she can do X, no problem, she's home anyway." It's not that they don't value your work, necessary, or realize how important it is to you, it just that they don't realize how much that cuts into your work time.

I hope you get some sleep. It's always a lot harder to deal with stressful situations when you are exhausted.

[merimask.livejournal.com]

Things are better today. At least Char's phone was found, and Greg did shovel once or twice (LOL you called him "George"!). I'm pretty sure my blodd is low in iron again...I have all the signs & irritability is one of them.

Yeah, one of the biggest problems with a home-based business is that you are HOME. No one takes you seriously when you say your job is hard work, because you're home after all, right?

[zannachan.livejournal.com]

Grr. I know his name is Greg. I don't know why I typed George. :(

Yeah, it's hard for people to realize that work is work, regardless of whether or not it's at home or elsewhere. I'm not gainfully employed (sigh) but my dissertation is still work--time consuming and exhausting. My mother-in-law used to call all the time during my designated writing hours despite repeated requests that she either call outside those hours or send me an email. One day I told her that if she needed to have a question asked that was time-sensitive, and DB could answer, to call him instead. And she said "I don't want to disturb him because he's at work." And I said "but I'm working." It kind of put things in perspective for her and she doesn't call during those hours now.

[zannachan.livejournal.com]

d'oh! I got so focused on responding to your frustration that I forgot to mention that I adore your new Green Man mask. He's gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous.

[merimask.livejournal.com]

Thank you. :-) I was pretty happy with it too.

[moko-moko.livejournal.com]

Okay, so not cool. And with them being the way they are, playing the "I can wait longer than you can" game won't work as far as leaving chores undone and cleaning untouched. I had that same issue when I was housesitting for my boss with my friend. The dishes left all over the house became unbearable after only 2 days...

Food is always a good way to go! The best is making a really nice, one serving meal and sit at your worktable to happily enjoy it. If you leave the pots on the stove to let the delicious aroma spread, even better. Then when asked where dinner is, you can just say that its whatever they whip up for themselves. Rinse and repeat for about a week.

In agreement with all the others though, definitely get some sleep before cranking out all your work *nodnod*

Moving right along though, that mask is AWESOME. There is so much depth and life to it, and the new aging look is just as stunning as the others. Very rich, very nice :D Beautiful like always!

[merimask.livejournal.com]

I'm better today but WOW...I just couldn't cope yesterday. The messes & the attitudes were piling up on my head. :-(

I got some sleep so today is better. Also, sunshine & no more white crap falling out of the sky helps too (but oh what a mess it left here). I'm so sick of winter!

Hey thanks for posting the picture of those beautiful lions! It helped my muse. ^_^

[drriftwood.livejournal.com]

oHh! *hugs*..2 hours sleep is NOT enough especially since you do soooo much and almost all of it by yourself!! (Your last few paragraphs reminded me of my mom..(*feels guilty for not helping her mom as much as she should have, as a teenager/kid*)..Make sure they register that you could really use their help, not to do your stuff but just to do their stuff/cleaning...
I've been swamped with work these few weeks but I make sure I sleep so I can handle the craziness..even WITH the sleep I am going crazy..lol..*ginormous hugs to you*

I still need to read Char's essay, I started to read it and then work happened so I plan to read it sometime when I can devote all my attention to it..:)

[merimask.livejournal.com]

Ugh...yesterday was a bad day. I think it was the weather mess that tipped the scale, 'cause the people mess hasn't changed in years & is'nt likely to. *sigh*

Sleep did help. I crashed last night & actually SLEPT for a change, which is a good thing.

*hugs back*

[kelkyag]

The new green man is fabulous!

I've faced the mess problem with housemates. As far as I can tell, people don't even see mess until it hits their threshhold, which may be far enough below yours that you'll go crazy before they see a problem. I eventually moved out when I got a job that chewed up too much of my time for me to keep the apartment (kitchen!) to my standards through all of our messes. Now the next-most-fussy (ex-)housemate is suffering, and also doesn't have time to keep the place to his standards. It would be really funny if I weren't also immensely sympathetic.

That leaves me as part of the chorus suggesting that you stop doing the things that aren't necessary to your sanity. Clean the kitchen counters, because not doing so will only hurt you, but other people's lunches and gloves and cars? They'll survive with no lunch and cold wet fingers and some shoveling time.

... and I, too, should go shovel some snow.

[merimask.livejournal.com]

*hug* I do need to just let them stew in it if they want to be that way. The constant reminding of gloves, lunches, hats, scarves, etc...it turns me into someone I'd rather not be. I need to let that go.

OMG snow...we got a huge chunk of snow yesterday. So far, this has been an awfully snowy winter (& I live in a notoriously snowy place anyway...). Considering the fact that I HATE winter, I am living in the wrong place!

[angeljapan.livejournal.com]

I totally agree with ramblinsuzes advice.

My boyfriends family (with the exception of his older sister) are slobs. Their house is the pits! And his room! Every time he says he's cleaned his room I ask, "Can you see the floor?" and he pauses. "A little bit?" is usually his answer. Oy..... But at least when he's in my place he helps me clean up. I'm not really a neat-freak, but I can't stand a cluttered floor. So while the floor is clean, every other available surface is covered with crap until I break down and do a purge, which is about once every six months. And I seriously tidy when I have company coming. I would *love* to get a hold of that Japanese celebrity cleaner and have her go after his house. When his sister came back for a visit Christmas '07 she threw a fit when she saw the house and spent most of her visit cleaning.

Mom was a neat-freak. That's where I got mine from. Of course I refuse to do yard work though. Clean the house is okay. Yard work.... That's how I got to be called "Momma's Little Ninja". She'd say, "All right! Grab a rake girls!" and I'd disappear. Which is how I was discovered by the Red Moon Clan and made one of their own. I now team up with a magical dragon and as his ninja assistant we fight evi- Oh wait... you're not the 8 year old I pretend this with.....

Don't feel as if you've lost if you have to scream. It could be a good way to get it all out into the open and to get them to listen.

::hugs::

And I love that mask! Seriously... if I found a Ren Faire group who could afford it we'd all get a mask and design a Ren costume around it.

[merimask.livejournal.com]

Wow, I didn't know there were sloppy people in Japan! Everything I saw looked neat and clean and orderly...whew! It must be twice as jarring to see chaos there, you know?

*hugs* You cracked me up yesterday though...funniest IM conversation ever. ;-)

[(Anonymous)]

BIG BIG HUG from one Mom to another!!!! It is so draining being the "brain" and the "butt" of an entire family. My mothering style is like yours and we focus on teaching our children to be good human beings, rather than organized people, and it does slap us in the face sometimes. But there's only so much time and we have to prioritize.

My solution when dealing with their self-centeredness and dependency without gratitude is yell at them, and viciously so they don't forget. I almost never yell at Reina but I did yesterday, until she cried.

She couldn't find her school coat. I said it wasn't at home so I asked nicely for her to go to her classroom and check. She screamed at me saying "It's at home." and refused to check. I don't like to engage in public battles because it's uncomfortable for everyone and I let it go.

But when we got home, she checked her room and no coat. I let it rip. It will be a LONG time before my little girl argues back when I first ask nicely.

We have rules for common offenses. When Rio forgets his homework, he knows he has to do extra homework that I assign, get up the next morning and go to school early to do it. No yelling necessary. Just penalties that are enforced and unpleasant so he will want to remember.

With husbands... gets trickier... Men will never bear the responsibility we do. Would setting family cleaning times work and chore lists work? It doesn't with all families, but it does with mine...

Vacations are great. No cleaning, No cooking... ps. letter's almost done...

[merimask.livejournal.com]

*hugs back* Oh I know...it is so HARD to get them to listen! I do the same thing with Char. It wouldn't piss me off so much, except I always end up being RIGHT.

I try not to yell 'cause I hate to lose control. I can count the times on my hands that I've actually opened up & shouted...it does get their attention but it also feels like a Pyrrhic victory; the emotional cost outweighs the results.

Oh yay about the letter! You are awesome... *smooch*

[ramblingrican.blogspot.com (from livejournal.com)]

So sorry you had a bad day :(

LOVE the mask though. It's rapidly becoming one of my favorites :D